How to deal with relationship problems and other challenges

Empathy means the ability and capacity to observe, recognise and respond to what someone else is feeling.

 We have in our brain a set of nerve cells, which help us do exactly that. It’s like wincing when someone else hurts themselves. Your mirror neurons, as well as your imagination, are helping you to 'put yourself in your partner's shoes'.

Empathising with your partner will be enormously comforting.  During arguments it can also take the wind right out of your partner's sails!

Women on the whole are much better at empathising. Women are more likely to empathise and men more likely to systemise. But, there is every potential for this to be reversed in an individual. Invest some time to study and understand your partner much better - it could actually prove to be a really wise investment!

The power of compassion
Compassion is a virtue that follows from empathy.
You may not always understand what your partner is going through.  You may even feel 'turn off' by their response to difficulties.  However, if you can empathise and refrain from judging, this will allow you to feel compassionate. This means you’ll be able to offer support in a way that is valued by your partner.

The basic message is: be kind to each other!  If you wouldn’t dream of treating your best friend, mother, brother, boss, sister or anyone else in a certain way, then don’t treat your partner that way either.

Compassion is defined as the emotional response when perceiving suffering and involves an authentic desire to help alleviate that suffering.*

Accept each other – really!
There is very little else I can add to that other than: you cannot change your partner.  Certainly people change when they meet the 'sunshine of their life'. However, in a way they have chosen to change - in their own time, and in a way that feels perfect to them.

You can attempt to make your partner aware of things, ask for change, support and encourage them on their journey.  BUT ... it stops there!

It does help if you understand more about how your partner 'operates'. Study to find out if you are compactible with your partner.Understanding your partner will help you to know if the relationship will work or not.




Express willinness to control the waves
Of course you’re going to experience difficult times.  I think that often in particular younger people have an unrealistic expectation of what lies ahead (yes ... I was one of them too!).  If only you could be protected from the inevitable challenges!

However, the ups are as much a part of life as the downs are. You’ll get through those challenging times though - be they relationship problems, issues with family, work, children, finances or personal problems. A crisis never lasts and there is an end to everything - that includes the bad times.

If you can be willing to control the waves together, then there is every chance that you’ll grow stronger as a couple.

Protect what you have
Arguing ...?  Not a problem in principle, but know when it gets out of hand. When you or your partner are beginning to lose control - stop!  That’s the point at which there is every chance that you’ll become personal.

Attacking each other as people, rather than asking for behaviour to change, is a sure way to undermine the health of your relationship. It creates resentment and a great deal of unhappiness.

It is very important that you resolve conflicts constructively, that will go a long way to saving your relationship from falling into a pool of awkward situation.


The future
Renegotiate your 'contract'
There is often an implied 'contract' between partners. You may have firm understandings about some things and you may have 'kind of' agreed on other 'stuff'. You will also have made huge assumptions about all matter of things.

You both came into this relationship with a gene pool, a history of interpreting the world in your own unique way and making up 'rules' about life based on your experiences.

This creates unconscious patterns, which only reveal themselves over time. Suddenly you find that you’re wanting or pushing for certain things to happen, but it had never been part of an agreement. Maybe it hadn't even occurred to you it needed to be discussed.

Sometimes I think that relationships should come with a 'renewal' date.  You’ll periodically have to renegotiate the terms and conditions of your relationship or marriage.  This means you’ll be able to accommodate changing circumstances, and your increased self-awareness together with your knowledge and understanding of your partner.

One of the secrets of a happy relationship and a dream marriage is to ensure that there is space for each of you to learn, change and grow.  It's unrealistic to expect you both to stay the same.



'Almost' unconditional commitment(Create and maintain an interest in each       other'sgoals.).
I am saying 'almost' as there are always circumstances in which it is vital that you end your relationship as soon as possible.  Invariably it relates to safety and security.  There is no place for any abuse - verbal, emotional or sexual - in any relationship.


Prevent boredom from slipping in by stealth
 Dealing with the feeling of bored, most times seem to be more difficult that one may see it, but it's worth handling, because once allowed to creep into your love live, then you are bound to have awkward situations.
To handle bored you most try as much as possible to always engage yourselves with feelings of each other, visualize your lover, being closer to you, even though he or she isn't around, program your mind to be in consciousness of that reality, let your brain feel that you are with your partner. It definitely will help to shover bored away from your immagination.